Santa Clarita — We are happy to announce the outcome of legal mediation; KHTS has officially agreed to purchase Santa Clarita Advanced Post Times. This comes at the end of hostile talks after the previous editor chose to run a factually true story that we didn’t like. After threatening to take them to court, the owners and editorial staff opted instead to accept our offer to buy the company, rather than face any meritless lawsuit that we would file.

We look forward to enabling the hard working staff here at SCVAPT to continue to produce quality journalism for the site.

One of the first changes will be to publish a weekly “Progress Report” on our new congresswoman, Katie Hill. Each Thursday we will detail all the various nits we decide to pick. From the coloration of her hair, to the words she uses, to the votes she doesn’t cast. We will constantly compare her to other firebrands like AOC and Pelosi, and equivocate their actions to hers. The lines will blur with each of the facts, until we can get our own hapless idiot and stooge reelected to congress.

We will also be cramming advertisements onto every available square inch of the website to maximize profit over readability.