The Santa Clarita Valley Advance Post Times has obtained the full list of film and television productions currently in filming and utilizing Santa Clarita’s world-class production infrastructure, skilled local workforce, and generous film office incentives.

1. Hellmann’s “Sandwich” (30-second spot) A family makes a sandwich. The mother applies mayonnaise. Everyone is pleased.

2. Hellmann’s “Sandwich Again” (30-second spot) A family makes a sandwich. The father applies mayonnaise this time. Everyone is still pleased.

3. Best Foods “Summer” (60-second spot) A backyard barbecue. A potato salad. A jar of mayonnaise held up toward the sun in a way that feels almost religious.

4. Hellmann’s “The Jar” (90-second brand film) A jar of mayonnaise sits on a counter. A family moves around it. The jar does not move. The jar has always been there. The jar will always be there.

5. Unbranded Mayonnaise Product (production company declined to identify client) Forty-five minutes of B-roll footage of a spoon going into a jar. Crew of 34. Catering brought sandwiches. The sandwiches did not have mayonnaise on them, which several crew members noted was “a choice.”

6. Hellmann’s “Legacy” (2-minute brand film) A grandfather passes a jar of mayonnaise to his grandson. The grandson clutches it to his chest. A single tear. The tagline reads: “Some things are worth holding on to.” The grandfather is played by Anthony Hopkins, who has won two Academy Awards, and who when asked about the project told a reporter he found the role “deeply human.” The grandson is played by Roman Griffin Davis, who in 2019 received a Golden Globe nomination for his portrayal of a child raised by Nazis, and who by all accounts brought the same emotional preparation to a two-minute mayonnaise commercial. His publicist has not returned calls since. Neither has Hopkins’.

7. Best Foods Presents: “The Mayo Cinematic Universe — Chapter One: Origins” (11-minute short) An origin story. We learn where the mayonnaise came from. We are not sure we wanted to know. A sequel has been greenlit.

8. Undisclosed Client — “Project Emulsion” (feature-length, 94 minutes) A full-length dramatic film in which mayonnaise is never mentioned by name but is present in every scene. The director, reached by phone, said only “you’ll understand when you see it” and then hung up. The film has not been released. The film may never be released. The jar is still on the counter.

9. Hellmann’s “Super Bowl Spot” (30-second spot, $14 million production budget) A single jar of mayonnaise sits on a table in an empty stadium. Slowly, the lights come on. The crowd files in. Eighty thousand people stare at the jar. Nothing else happens. It tested extremely well with the 35-49 demographic.

10. Best Foods “The Chosen One” (4-minute cinematic experience, IMAX format) A child is born. The doctors look at each other. One of them produces a jar of mayonnaise. The camera pulls back to reveal the hospital is inside a larger jar of mayonnaise. The child begins to cry. The tagline reads: “Best Foods. You Were Always Home.” Currently submitted for consideration at Sundance under the documentary category.

Jerome Horwitz

Jerome Horwitz is a Santa Clarita native. His family traces their lineage all the way back to the 1960s when his grandparents moved to the area to start a farm in what is now Castaic Lake. Growing turnips proved unfeasible below water, so they got out of farming and started a donut shop specializing in Bear Claws. Jerome enjoys watching paint dry, and lurking in local Facebook groups.