Valencia — A woman is disappointed today after going to Etsy with the intent to purchase a vanity sticker for her car, only to discover that she doesn’t have any dead relatives or friends who have passed. “It’s really quite sad, everyone I know is in really good health” remarked Jennifer Aguilar 43, “I really want to advertise my loss to the world, but everyone I know is still alive.”

Aguilar has spent countless hours researching relatives, either by browsing ancestry.com or calling various aunts and uncles. “I learned that one of my cousins was in a car accident a few years ago, but sadly they survived and are still in a coma. It’s a real shame” she said, as a single tear fell, “No one else in my family has even had cancer, how awful is that?”

She has resigned to the fact that it will be quite some time until she is able to purchase the vanity sticker, saying “it’ll be a while I have the opportunity to buy one of these amazing stickers, until then I guess I’ll just keep sending my grandparents Christmas cards or something. They’re over 95, can you believe that? How long are they going to hold on, sheesh. Oh! I can put my first pet on there, what was that dogs name?”

SCVAPT Contributor