Santa Clarita — In the aftermath of two mass shootings in under 24 hours, local gun enthusiasts have proposed a new “Gun Violence Forecast” to help people assess risk, and decide whether to leave the house that day. “We’ve got to do something about these senseless deaths,” said Dave Williams, a self-proclaimed second amendment protector, “I think we’re all tired of seeing news reports about mass shootings. This new forecast is the best way to go, really. Right after the morning weather and traffic reports, local news can show the Gun Violence Forecast and you can choose if it’s worth the risk to go to work, see a musician perform live, shop at the grocery store, learn something in school, mail something at the post office,see a movie with a date, hang out at the mall, or eat at a fine restaurant. I think this will improve the quality of life for everyone. Plus it keeps the libtards from taking our guns”
The forecast will be similar to a weather forecast, but in place of temperatures it displays the percent chance of being shot that day alongside a color coded graphic and a scale from smiley to frowny face. Proponents of the forecast hope it simplifies the decision making process for people unsure if they want to be shot that day.