Valencia – Hundreds of protesters, or dozens if you don’t use the Signal’s math, showed up at the corner of McBean and Valencia Boulevard Tuesday afternoon to bring attention to their cause “Reopen Santa Clarita.” It is just one in the latest of a growing number of hyper-local ignorance-based Russian-propaganda-backed boomer-death-cults capturing the attention of news media nationwide. “How dare quote ‘doctor’ Fauci tell me what I can and can not do. It’s my body, it’s my choice” said Mike Garcia’s spokesperson at the protest, without a hint of irony.

The group of Karens took to the streets, demanding to speak to the pandemics manager.

By gathering in large groups of people in close proximity without personal protective equipment, the #AllLivesMatter protesters hope to bring attention to the mild inconveniences they’ve suffered. Inconveniences such as: being told to stay home when they probably would have anyway, since they’re retired; not able to yell at people of color to tell them to go back to where they came from; being angry at whatever the shouty man on tv tells them to be angry about; going to Applebees; going to Church once a year; getting their roots dyed; and yelling at clouds.

Organizers hope to have the “economy reopened,” whatever that means, even if it comes at the cost of sacrificing a few hundred-thousand hourly employees, significantly reducing long-term economic stability.

We reached out to the pandemic for comment, but did not receive a response as of the time we published.

SCVAPT Contributor