Rain Comes to Santa Clarita, causing loss of ability to drive for many

You idiots can't drive

The second in a series of rainstorms hit Santa Clarita this morning, causing many people to completely forget how to drive. “You just don’t think it will happen to you. I guess I should slow down” said Doug Freeman, exiting his vehicle and into the tree it rested in, adding “someone should really warn us about the dangers of wet roads.”

There were 35 accidents this morning, on McBean Parkway alone, resulting in zero injuries and higher insurance rates for all. Los Angeles Sheriff Santa Clarita Station deputies cautioned the public to drive slower, leave plenty of room, use your goddamn turn signal, and expect delays. The deputy added “It’s important to slow down on all of the roads. We hope to see people on Newhall Ranch Road keep it under 80 miles per hour, at least until the storms pass.”

Residents can expect a turnaround time of 1-3 weeks of the repairs on their vehicles. BMW and Mercedes drivers have the option trade in their lease for a new status symbol.

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