Christian Fascists Hold Rally for Forced Births
Valencia, CA – Local Cult Leader Jerry Cook, “Pastor” of extremist “church” Freedom’s Way Baptist, organized a rally last night in support of removing the right to bodily autonomy for millions of Americans. “We’re here today to voice our opinions that our God never makes mistakes, and that people who are pregnant should be forced to carry to term any seed that is implanted in them,” said cook, “this includes rapists and cases of incense.” (Editorial note: We believe he meant “incest”).
Joining “Pastor” Cook were two dozen people incapable of becoming pregnant due to either lacking sufficient organs or being of advanced age which governs fertility, and several teens forced to attend by their parents. “In my day, you just had to lay there and take it, and if the baby survived past age two, you could name it after your father,” screamed one octogenarian protestor, Edna, unprovoked.
Cook said he finds any form of abortion or family planning health care to be abhorrent and should be banned by federal legislation. “I work very closely with our congressman Mike Garcia to help push laws which would prevent any kind of abortion or birth control, “said Cook, “Women should be forced to carry to term, irregardless of who or how they were impregnated. God wanted them to be pregnant. I don’t care if the baby is eight weeks along and already deceased, God wants that person to endure the trauma of carrying the fetus for 9 months and delivering a stillborn infant rather than getting an abortion and be able to attempt conception again in a couple months.”
After the rally, Cook returned home to continue contemplating the genitals of trans people and waiting for his wife to go to sleep so he could lock himself in the bathroom and search for gay porn on his phone.
Louis Feinberg was born and raised in Santa Clarita. After a brief stint being stuck on the 14 freeway trying to leave, he gave up and now resides in Newhall with his 11 cats. In his free time, he can be found behind Valencia Lanes taste-testing paint for lead.