Santa Clarita — Several owners of marijuana delivery services stood at the entrance to our city today, pondering on the relationship that could have been. Since the city council voted to outright ban any sort of marijuana delivery, companies have been unable to penetrate the pot-defense shield that was installed. “Like, look at it, I mean it’s like, invisible or something I guess, but I can’t get through it,” said Matt Parker co-owner of Pots R Us delivery service.
The ban on delivery services does not impact home cultivation, so many boomers are trying their hand at growing the sticky icky. One local resident, identifying herself only as Laurene W., says she needs the still federally banned chronic to treat her glaucoma. “Last week, I over watered my closet grow farm. That’s the last time I take my medicine before gardening.”
Retailers and delivery businesses alike are keen to operate within city limits, as the growing post-war generation is a rife and under-served customer base.
Adjusting his oddly shaped “flower vase,” Mayor Pro Tem Cameron Smyth said “yeah we should probably revisit the prohibition. But Kellar needs his shotgun taken first.” Mayor Mclean refused comment for this story, saying only “don’t you dope fiends drag me down with you!” as she refilled her prescription for Xanax.