Stanch — Chad Kampbell, of the soup fortune, has announced his bid for President of the local Democratic Club, stupidly named “DAA” or “Democrats Alliance for Action.” He follows the lead of his wife, Michelle, the current president — a young, female, LatinX person. “It’s time for us to take credit for all the progress made by these people [hand gestures] and move to a place of complacency in this club. The current leadership helped get Christy Smith and Katie Hill elected, now it’s time for us white men to f-ck it up” said Kampbell in a video statement from his house in an affluent suburban neighborhood.

[Editors note: this post was cut short since the majority of the available jokes have been taken because a white guy named Chad is just, like, too on the nose.]

SCVAPT Contributor