Local Libertarian Losing Confidence in Free Market Ability to Find Him a Girlfriend

Libertarians are all lonely

Valencia — A local libertarian man is expressing his frustrations with the free market today, after having an unsuccessful blind date late night. “I’ve gone to literally hundreds of these, and not a single genetic female wants to hear about Ayn Rand, or talk about how taxation is theft. I’m beginning to wonder if the free market is capable of producing adequate women with which I can copulate,” said Tom, who refused to give his last name, opting instead to point to his pocket constitution.

Other libertarians have expressed similar frustrations, and have started a support group on Facebook titled “Santa Clarita Valley Open Forum,” where they can share their feelings, and point out perceived logical fallacies. Most of the posts in the group are poking fun at people who are not members of the group, and are therefore considered sub-human.

“I can’t believe this may be the last generation of libertarians,” added Tom, “if we’re unable to reproduce and freely distribute our ideas evenly so that all people can equally consume them then what’s the point? I mean, I just want everyone to understand that it’s ok for Donald Trump to be president, just as long as he fixes the second amendment and puts us back on the gold standard.”

This reporter cut the interview short when Tom started a rant about cryptocurrency.

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