Sheriff Mafia Boss Don Villanueva Demands Silence From Associates
Los Angeles – Mafia Boss Don Villanueva distributed a decree this week, asking associates for a code of Omertà, else they find themselves in a sitdown, possibly, or maybe a goombah should pay them a visit they might not like. The request, on this the year of his re-election, comes as scrutiny grows over the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department alleged Deputy Gangs continue unabated. “C’mon, capo dei capi doesn’t appreciate such inquiries,” said one Sheriff’s Sergeant based in Compton, “such things and things as such may get you in for a fitting of concrete shoes, or, perhaps also but not limited to a one way ride, capish?”
Don Villanueva and underboss Congressman Mike Garcia, recently cosplayed as cowboys in the Antelope Valley where they toured various waste management facilities under their employ. Those facilities that failed to pay tribute were met with, as they say, some setbacks. “We do not look kindly on these entrepreneurial types who eat alone,” said Don Villanueva from atop a pile of seized marijuana plants, “This Thing of Ours, we expect a certain amount of reciprocity.”
Editor’s note: Please don’t whack me, I have a family
Jerome Horwitz is a Santa Clarita native. His family traces their lineage all the way back to the 1960s when his grandparents moved to the area to start a farm in what is now Castaic Lake. Growing turnips proved unfeasible below water, so they got out of farming and started a donut shop specializing in Bear Claws. Jerome enjoys watching paint dry, and lurking in local Facebook groups.