Local Development Halted by Discovery of Ancient Artifacts

According to a press conference today by Greg Grundle of Pardee Homes, development has been immediately halted of their Skyline Development in Canyon Country.

“Some may have noticed the lack of new homes being built on this land we recently started to develop.  I’m here to tell you today that is not because there is a lack of buyers that don’t remember what happened just over a decade ago, high interest rates or lack of interest in being within walking distance to the Backwoods Inn or stumbling distance to the Moose Lodge.  No, the fact of the matter is we recently discovered the remains of an ancient and advanced civilization that was covered over until we stripped the land of its beauty and life,” said Grundle.

When pressed for further details of the discovery and what it means to residents and worldwide community, Grundle called for calm and produced photos of what he purported to be some sort of bronze jewelry.  “We’re not sure what this jewelry is meant to symbolize nor who could have possibly crafted it.  But, it is well beyond the capabilities of the Native Americans that we know inhabited this area.  We want to explore all possible explanations.  In fact, some have proposed that these artifacts are in fact of extraterrestrial origin and may depict the physical form of these advanced beings,” said Grundle.

As this is a recent discovery and merits years of study, further development of new homes has been suspended.  A team from the UCLA Cotsen Institute of Archaeology will immediately commence a survey of the site and will attempt to preserve any remaining artifacts that weren’t destroyed by grading equipment or sold on eBay.  Dr. Gloria Blumpkin of UCLA is leading a team of graduate students in the investigation.

“This could be a world-class tourist attraction just like the La Brea Tar Pits or Pompeii.  This could even perhaps end up being a World Heritage Site once everything is fully understood.  But, work like this takes time, funding and support by the government.  Luckily, our newly elected governor, Gavin Newsom is particularly interested in the discovered artifacts and wanted to personally hold and feel them.  Clearly he has a passion for discovery,” said Blumpkin.

Governor Newsom’s office could not be reached for comment but a high-level source has confirmed that Newsom has been locked behind closed doors for hours at a time, alone with the artifacts.  “Clearly he has a passion for exploring and learning what these artifacts could possibly be used for.  He has expressed an intense desire to handle more – maybe even two or three at a time and hopefully even larger artifacts as the excavation continues,” said the source.

Leave a Reply