The Santa Clarita City Council has unanimously approved a resolution to poll Santa Clarita residents to determine the level of interest in a purge event.  After being inundated with complaints from local residents regarding the lack of affordable housing, a rising homeless population and the abundance of “shitty neighbors” the council was forced to look for solutions.  “We need to find a way to allow residents to deal with their frustrations, reduce the need for affordable housing and do something about the growing homeless population.  After examining all proposals and looking for ideas on Netflix, the best idea we could come up with was to allow a purge event.” said Mayor McLean.

The proposed resolution calls for the normal rules of criminal behavior and civility to be lifted from sundown on April 1^st through sunrise on April 2^nd.  The local Sheriff’s Department and other emergency services would not be available during this period.  Local law enforcement officials at first were skeptical about a purge but upon reflection, attitudes shifted.  LA County Sheriff Alex Villanueva commented, “As some of you may have noticed on the news, we had a recent issue with a deputy trying to break into an ex-girlfriend’s home and then lied about it.  This of course is appalling.  But, if we had only given him one day a year when he could purge and teach his ex-girlfriend a lesson without fear of repercussions we wouldn’t even be talking about this now.  I commend the City of Santa Clarita on its progressive proposal to resolve matters.  I hope other cities follow in their footsteps.”

The City of Santa Clarita would like to hear from residents regarding this matter.

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Harry Taintman