BREAKING NEWS: Protesters Form Local Autonomous Zone

Local protesters have now occupied the William S. Hart Regional Park and adjoining museum demanding an end to systemic racism and poor living conditions in South Saugus and Newhall.  The protesters have declared that the park and museum is now an occupied autonomous zone known as the Saugus Habitat Against Racist Thoughts (SHART).

“For too long, we’ve been under the boot of oppression by the privileged residents of Stevenson Ranch and North Valencia while the residents of South Saugus and Newhall wallow in poverty, filth and lack social services,” said local organizer Wakanda Horton.  Horton explained that as a recent graduate of the online Social Justice Certificate Program at College of the Canyons, he is now prepared to lead the charge against injustice and has been elected Prime Minister of SHART by the dozens of local protesters and residents of the park. 

“Today, we take back what is rightfully ours.  We now commence our peaceful occupation of this property which was paid for by a rich, white man who portrayed indigenous peoples as subhuman in films.  We demand his statue be removed by LA County so we no longer have to gaze upon his armed and menacing stance.  For too long, the underprivileged population has been terrorized by his statue,” shouted Horton to a crowd of dozens.

When asked for comment, LA County Sheriff Alex Villanueva issued a statement that read: “The department is well aware of SHART and it is our hope that we can resolve their occupation peacefully and without destruction of property.  We plan to listen to them and will deploy several members of Newsom’s COVID-19 Strike Team he described yesterday during his latest Chicken Little news conference.  These elite forces will work to educate the protesters about the dangers of not maintaining proper distancing, wearing masks or washing their hands as they peacefully protest since they didn’t learn their fucking lesson last time and now we can’t eat in restaurants again – assholes.”

How long this occupation will last and if it will grow is unknown.  Protesters are hoping that more will join their cause in SHART and vow to remain peaceful so long as their demands are met. 

20 Replies to “BREAKING NEWS: Protesters Form Local Autonomous Zone

    1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was thinking the same thing! Who is going to actually use that as an identifier?! Damn, I have seen/read it all now 🤦‍♀️

  1. This is like a The Onion. Sadly the resemblance to what has gone on in earlier Autonomous Zones provided the raw material for the spoof.

  2. Are you kidding me? Bring out the guard, Close Newhall ave at all entry points. Clear and close the park, then the statue topplers will have to go play elsewhere. Good grief!🙄

  3. These millennials and generation Z are lazy, still live at home, socialists, communists, and want to be marxists. Fortunately Santa Clarita is mostly Republican, so our community will not allow any destruction to public or private property like the Libs have in Portland and Seattle. If they think racism is so bad, they need to wake up, and listen to this black man give them a history lesson.

  4. This pathetic excuse for an organizer, the young communist, Miss Wakanda Horton said she recently received an online certificate in Social Justice from College of the Canyons. All this certificate does is fuel hate speech into our youth, and program is subsidized by our Leftist controlled state. Programs like this need to be shutdown, or more people will be infected like the young Miss Wakanda. All she wants to do is erase our nation’s history, and destroy our constitution. She has the roots of a domestic terrorist, and she is appearing to grow. She needs to be arrested soon.

  5. I just read the demographics of where the majority of Republicans live: The inner Valleys of Northern California and The Central Valley.
    Perhaps, peacefully, they should start their own zones.
    I live only 25 miles from Newhall and have friends who live in Canyon Country and Valencia.
    Surreal times…

  6. Just Graduated, “ WHAT “ does have to do with occupation of a public park. Close the park for maintenance and let them go protest at COC. Is the Twit a resident of SCV?

  7. This has to be a joke… First the name of organization lol and please give me a break already oppressed slums??? Very confused then take care of your neighborhood clean it up Much better use of your time then being lazy you could also work hard like everyone else you definitely need to continue your education if this is the best you can come up with if that all fails JUST MOVE CHANGE YOUR PROBLEM AREA!!! this has to be a joke slums & oppression in SCV you have to be a sheltered Child… IF YOU BOTHERED TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK ON WILLIAM S HART YOU WOULD FIND HE HAD MANY FRIENDS THAT HE BOUGHT LAND FOR IN THIS VALLEY AND IN THE AREAS YOU CALL OPPRESSED THAT WERE NOT WHITE MIND YOU!!! PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AS YOU CALL THE RICH WHITE MAN….WHY IS GETTIN PAID FOR A HONEST DAYS WORK MAKE SOMEONE A BAD PERSON THAT IS HOLDIN YOU AND OTHERS DOWN GET A LIFE ….I WOULD HOPE TO THINK THAT YOU WOULD CHANGE VENUE MAYBE DO IT AS I SAID IN YOUR FRONTYARD

    1. William Shart did nuffin fo me or my fellow freedom fighters yo! Get my unemployment reupped so I can keep on protestin you cracker ass cracker!

  8. Oh. My. God. I smell a hint of John Boston in this piece. Can it be he lives?!

    And speaking of the olfactory sense, apparently COVID has yet another symptom: impairment of the ability to recognize satire.

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