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Category: Featured

City Council, Featured, Latest News, News

Kathy and Bob Kellar announce Boarding School for Orphaned Racists

Posted onJanuary 15, 2019January 16, 2019

Canyon Country — Kathy and Bob Kellar announced today their plans to open a local boarding school. They’re calling it “The Kellar School for Orphaned …

Location of North County Correctional Facility in relation to North Hills
Community, Featured, News

West Hills residents discover prison half mile away, demand it be shut down

Posted onJanuary 10, 2019January 10, 2019

Valencia — Residents in the West Hills neighborhood are in an uproar today after discovering the prison approximately a half mile away. “This is outrageous,” …

Community, Featured, News

Massage Parlor announces extended evening hours, promises it’s still legitimate

Posted onJanuary 9, 2019

Newhall — A local massage parlor has announced extended evening hours. “No really, it’s to better serve our clients. If we were only open 9 …

Featured, News

Gavin Newsom, antagonist in a Glengarry Glen Ross TV movie sequel, takes over California Governorship

Posted onJanuary 7, 2019January 6, 2019

Gavin Newsom, middle-aged white male, was elected to be California’s next governor in 2018 – the year of the woman. He takes over for Jerry …

Pearl Jam Cover Band "Pearl Jelly"
Community, Featured, News

New SCV Amphitheatre to Host Artists like Jimmy Buffet

Posted onJanuary 6, 2019January 6, 2019

Proposed Venue Will Make Chiquita Landfill the Second Largest Dump in SCV

Featured, News

Santa Clarita Sheriffs Department Reminds Residents “Pull The Fuck Over”

Posted onJanuary 5, 2019January 5, 2019

Exasperated Santa Clarita Sheriffs Public Information Officer Shirley Miller said Friday “we just want to get the word out that if you see flashing lights and hear sirens, pull the fuck over.”

Community, Featured, Latest News, News

Cougar Spotted Near Iron Horse Trail Head

Posted onJanuary 4, 2019January 7, 2019

Santa Clarita city officials are warning residents to be on the lookout after a cougar was spotted roaming the bike path near the Iron Horse …

Katie Hill for Congress
Featured, Latest News, News, Politics & Government

In a Historic Moment, Katie Hill Sworn in as the 25th Congressional District’s First Non-Asshole Representative

Posted onJanuary 3, 2019January 7, 2019

Today marked the first time in the history of the Congressional District that it is represented in Washington D.C. by a non-Asshole. Hill (D-Agua Dulce) …

Featured, Latest News, News

Welcome to Advance Post Times!

Posted onJanuary 1, 2019January 3, 2019

For those of us who relocated to the Santa Clarita Valley in our early 20s, and now call ourselves “lifelong residents,” the media landscape of …

Community, Featured

Porto’s Coming to Santa Clarita Never

Posted onDecember 31, 2018January 3, 2019

Local foodies rejoice: Betty Porto, co-owner of famed bakery “Porto’s” has released a statement indicating that they have no plans to open a location in …

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Recent Posts

  • Joe Messina takes “Bird Box Challenge”
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • Weekly poll: City Council Votes to study “Ban on non-English speaking Mexicans”
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • Dick’s Sporting Goods and Big 5 announce merger. New entity to be called Small Richard’s
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  • Valencia Woman Struggling to Find Dead Relative for Vanity Sticker
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  • Former Representative Katie Hill Producing Prequel to “Handmaid’s Tale” Based on Her Life in Congress
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  • Election Watch: 2020 – Our Endorsements For Congress
    By Editorial Board
  • New Weekly Column: Dear Gabby
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  • Santa Clarita City Council Approves Purchase of Ice Station, renames it “Iceometown”
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • Advance Post Times Seeking Writers
    By K Conway

Trending

  • Advance Post Times Seeking Writers
    September 9, 2020
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  • Bridge To Home faces funding shortfall, renames itself “Bridge Is Home”
    January 7, 2019
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • Magic Mountain Mascot Released on Parole
    December 31, 2018
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • Porto’s Coming to Santa Clarita Never
    December 31, 2018
    By Emmanual Goldstein | 1 Comment
  • BREAKING NEWS: Protesters Form Local Autonomous Zone
    July 3, 2020
    By Harry Taintman | 20 Comments
  • Convicted Felon Hopes for Second Chance at Life on School Board
    September 16, 2020
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • SCV Water Board Runs for Kathye Armitage
    September 17, 2020
    By Anna Clarita
  • Letter from Councilman Bob Kellar
    June 10, 2020
    By Bob Kellar | 4 Comments
  • Santa Clarita Sheriffs Department Introduces “Do Not Shoot” Registry for Black People
    August 11, 2020
    By Emmanual Goldstein | 1 Comment
  • Frequently Fomenting Ferdman
    March 8, 2019
    By Emmanual Goldstein
  • City Council Considering Ban on Sidewalk Chalk
    September 18, 2020
    By Anna Clarita | 4 Comments
  • Santa Clarita Chamber of Commerce Announces International Furry Convention
    January 25, 2019
    By Harry Taintman
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