Political Consultant Group Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe is excited to announce the general availability of our New Congressional Campaign Starter Kit™! There is a prime opportunity to run for United States Congress in an oft-overlooked part of Los Angeles County: Santa Valencia Clarita, home of Six Flags Magical Mountain, is a short commute north where there are less than two-dozen congressional candidates currently running! DC&H provides supreme services to help candidates launch their campaign, and make it through to the primary!

For just $10,000 you can get our Bronze Campaign™ Package, which includes:

• 1 Campaign Website!
• Campaign Logo Featuring Vasquez Rocks!
• 1,000 Congressional Candidate Yard Signs!
• 400 Bumper Stickers!
• 200 Buttons!
• One Twitter Account with 50,000 Followers!
• 30 Hours Call time with a Shared Campaign Manager

Our Silver Campaign™ Package starts at $50,000 and includes:

• 1 Campaign Website!
• Campaign Logo Featuring Vasquez Rocks!
• 5,000 Yard Signs!
• 1,000 Bumper Stickers!
• 600 Buttons!
• One Main Campaign Twitter Account with 200,000 Followers!
• 10 Dedicated Abusive Twitter Accounts, each with a dedicated English semi-fluent person!
• 40 Hours Call Time with a Shared Campaign Manager!

The Gold Campaign™ Package starts at $200,000 and includes

• 2 Campaign Websites (one official, one attacking you)
• Campaign Logo Featuring Vasquez Rocks!
• 7,000 Yard Signs!
• 1,500 Bumper Stickers!
• 800 Buttons!
• One Main Campaign Twitter Account with 300,000 Followers!
• One “Personal” Twitter account for sassy commentary with dedicated writer
• 30 Dedicated Abusive Twitter Accounts with a dedicated English Fluent Person!
• Dedicated Campaign Manager, with 80 Hours of call time for advice!
• Post-Primary Kindle-Exclusive Book Deal!
• One interview on Pod Save America Podcast

All of our Packages come with these Ala Carte options:

• $10 – Interview on Talk of Santa Clarita with Stephen Daniels
• $100 – David Barlavi will endorse you
• $10,000 – David Barlavi won’t endorse you
• $100,000 – David Barlavi won’t find out you exist
• $500 – Steven Petzold will post on Facebook and Twitter 5 items per day attacking you
• $1 – Steven Petzold will post on Facebook and Twitter 20 items per day attacking you
• $100 – Matt Deny will reply to a Facebook comment about something irrelevant to the original post
• $1,000 – Photo with Mike Devlin
• $8,000 – Endorsement from the Bread Caucus
• $400 – John Zaring will write an opinion piece about you in the Signal
• $200 – John Zaring will write an opinion piece about you in the Proclaimer
• $0 – Joe Messina will send out a “the Real Side” newsletter about your communist ties
• $0 – Residents of Simi Valley will call you a racist
• $5 – Jennifer Van Laar will write an article on you in Red State
• $400 – Someone from the east coast will attack you on Facebook for a position you don’t hold
• $5 – Jennifer Van Laar will leak your nudes
• $20 – Josh Heath will write a post about you and no one will understand the point he’s trying to make
• $10 – Kat Walker will comment positively on all social media posts about you
• $20 – Kat Walker will comment derisively on all social media posts about you
• $0 – Steve Hill will use the “laugh” reaction to all Facebook posts and comments about you
• $30,000 – Buck McKeon will give you phone numbers to wealthy donors in Saudi Arabia
• $50 – Mike Garcia will challenge you to a debate
• $100 – Mike Garcia will challenge you to a debate, and show up
• $1 – Mike Garcia will say something dumb on Twitter so you can dunk on him
• $5 – “Breaking News” news alert from KHTS about a mundane thing you did
• $10m – Austin Dave will “like” a post about you

Today is the day you run for Congress! Don’t wait, these packages are limited to the first 100 callers! Call in the next 3 days and receive a free tote bag with your campaign logo on it!

Santa Clarita Valley Advance Post Times has not read and does not endorse the contents of this sponsored post. What, do we look like KHTS to you?